aku hari ini

Bismillah..

Alhamdulillah sudah hampir sebulan aku kembali ke Malaysia tanah air tercinta. Ternyata kepulanganku banyak membuahkan soalan-soalan di kalangan orang di sekitar kerana tempoh hari ku katakan yang aku mahu terus berada di bumi Amerika itu untuk beberapa tahun lagi.

Namun kini aku pulang, dan mengubah perancangan aku itu. Kini aku sedang menjadi Research Assistant dan sedang memohon untuk menyambung pelajaran ke peringkat master di UiTM dalam bidang yg sama seperti diploma dan degreeku, kejuruteraan mekanikal. Macam tak percaya yang aku masih berada di institusi pendidikan setelah 8 tahun (sejak 2004) di sini. Aku sangkakan yg aku sudah serik. Tetapi inilah aku hari ini.

Kenapa? Persoalannya ialah kenapa aku memilih jalan ini.

Selepas menamatkan pelajaran di Purdue tempoh hari, aku merancang untuk bekerja sebagai seorang jurutera. Tentulah! Setelah bersusah payah berusaha untuk lulus dalam bidang ini. Namun lama kelamaan aku merasakan yang aku lebih cenderung untuk membangunkan dan bekerja untuk manusia berbanding mesin.

Seluruh hidup kita ini tujuannya ialah untuk mencari ketenangan, kebahagiaan, kegembiraan. Ianya berada di hati manusia. Hati yang tidak terdidik dengan hakikat kehidupan sebenar akan terus mencari yang bukan-bukan utk mencipta kebahagiaan ini. Lalu disitulah peranannya ahli-ahli sains yang tugasnya adalah untuk menyelesaikan masalah dan salah satu masalah yang utama manusia ialah kepuasan. Ada kereta, mahukan kereta yg lebih besar, lebih mahal barulah puas. Ada henpon mahukan yg lebih nipis, lebih bergaya lebih hebat barulah puas. Ada pakaian mahukan yg lebih berjenama lebih glamor barulah puas. Lalu orang sains saban hari bekerja keras mencipta membina untuk memuaskan nafsu manusia yang tidak akan pernah puas andai ianya tidak diisi dengan iman. Iman bahawasanya sungguh dunia ini hanyalah tempat persediaan utk ke akhirat.

Graduan university yang diserap masuk dalam arus membina teknologi hari ini sebenarnya ramai yang diperangkap oleh teknologi itu sendiri. Contoh: sudah dapat kerja di Kuala Lumpur dan untuk hidup di bandar besar seperti ini tentulah perlu ada kenderaan, tempat tinggal dll. Maka belilah mereka kereta standard harga RM50K secara hutang kerana tentu tidak ada simpanan sebanyak itu pada masa mereka grad. Mahu mencari rumah samada sewa atau beli juga dua2 perlukan kepada pembayaran bulanan. Rumah dan kereta sahaja sudah mampu mengikat pemuda hari ini untuk terus bekerja gigih, korbankan masa utk segala-galanya yang lain, kadang terpaksa melakukan sesuatu yg diluar prinsip hanya semata2 kerana hutang. Andai tidak bekerja, bagaimana untuk membayar hutang kereta selama 5 tahun ini? Hutang rumah selama 20 tahun ini? Hutang pelajaran dahulu juga kena bayar semula. (majority graduan berhutang ini, tahniah!) Dan belum cerita yang sudah terjebak dengan kad hutang.

Pemuda harapan ummah hari ini sudah tidak lagi mampu untuk memikirkan tentang ummah kerana beban mereka sendiri pun tidak temampu untuk tidak difikirkan. Apabila pemuda tidak berfungsi sebaiknya, bagaimanakah kepimpinan kita nanti? Pemuda tidak mempunyai masa utk mengenal dunia tentulah kelak akan menjadi pemimpin yang tidak matang dan jahil dalam memacu hala tuju ummat masa hadapan.

Oh, by the way kitaran ini sudah berlansung beberapa generasi, dan sekiranya tidak kita sedari dan ubah sekarang, tentunya penyakit ini akan terus menyerang generasi keturunan kita juga.

Lalu aku bercita-cita untuk menjadi seorang pendidik di institusi pengajian tinggi Negara, dengan harapan mudah-mudahan aku dapat mengubah hati-hati yang tidak puas itu ke arah mendapatkan kepuasan yang lebih manis bersama islam. Untuk ini aku juga perlu menyediakan diri secukupnya kerana manusia yang tiada apa-apa, tidak dapat memberi apa-apa. Doakanku.

Itu salah satu sebabla. Tapi ada lagi satu sebab yang amat penting iaitu aku memikirkan bukan lagi hanya untuk diriku, tetapi untuk masa depan berdua, bertiga dan seterusnya.

Dulu perancangan aku utk menetap di bumi kelahiranku itu hanyalah perancangan aku sendiri. Tempoh hari aku bertanya kepada dia bagaimana perancangannya kehadapan. Katanya dia mesti berkhidmat untuk Malaysia untuk beberapa tahun atas janjinya kepada negara. Aku rasakan elok juga kalau aku turut bersama-sama berada di sini untuk menemani. Mudah-mudahan dia tahu yang aku ini boleh dibawa berbincang dan merancang itu bersama-sama, bukan hanya aku yang boleh bersuara ye. InsyaAllah bila diizinkan Allah pasti aku akan kembali semula ke tanah tumpah darahku itu utk berbakti di sana pula.

Mohon doa dari kalian semoga kita semua sentiasa tsabat dalam jalan mencari erti hidup, dalam jalan mencari kebahagiaan hakiki, dalam jalan bertemu Rabb yang dicintai dan dirindui. Biar apa pun pekerjaan kita, biar di tanah mana pun bumi ini di pijak, biar di langit mana pun kepala ini menjunjung, tetaplah hati ini, jiwa ini, hidup dan mati ini tidak lari dari tujuan hakiki, untuk Allah Rabbul Izzati.

The Chair Carrier

bismillah..

This week in my Arabic Culture class, we went through 2 short stories of social critics written by Arabic authors. I like both of them so much I'm going to share them here.

The first story was titled " The Chair Carrier" written by Yusuf Idris. It was written originally in arabic then was translated to english. maybe somebody can translate this to malay after this ;)

When I was reading it the first time, I did not know that it has a very deeeeeeeeep meaning. Thanks to my instructor I appreciate it better now and I love it.

Here it goes. ( I copied the story from somewhere in the internet)

***

You can believe it or not, but excuse me for saying that your opinion is of no concern at all to me. It’s enough for me that I saw him, met him and observed the chair with my own eyes. Thus I considered that I had been witness to a miracle. But even more miraculous – indeed more disastrous – was that neither the man, the chair, nor the incident caused a single passer-by in Opera Square, in Gumhouritta Street, or in Cairo – or maybe in the whole wide world – to come to a stop at that moment.

It was a vast chair. Looking at it you’d think it had come from some other world, or that it had been constructed for some festival, such a colossal chair, as though it were an institution all on its own, its seat immense and softly covered with leopard skin and silken cushions. Once you’d seen it your great dream was to sit in it, be it just the once, just for a moment. A moving chair, it moved forward with stately gait as though it were in some religious procession. You’d think it was moving of its own accord. In awe and amazement you almost prostrated yourself before it in worship and offered up sacrifices to it.

Eventually, however, I made out, between the four massive legs that ended in glistening glided hooves, a fifth leg. It was skinny and looked strange amidst all that bulk and splendor; it was, though, no leg but a thin, gaunt human being upon whose body the sweat had formed runnels and rivulets and had caused woods and groves of hair to sprout. Believe me, by all that’s holy, I’m neither lying nor exaggerating, simply relating, be it ever so inadequately, what I saw. How was it that such a thin, frailman was carrying a chair like this one, a chair that weighed at least a ton, and maybe several? That was the proposition that was presented to one’s mind – it was like some conjuring trick. But you had only to look longer and more closely to find that there was no deception, that the man really was carrying the chair all on his own and moving along with it.

What was even more extraordinary and more weird, something that was truly alarming, was that none of the passer-by in Opera Square, in Gumhouritta Street or maybe in the whole of Cairo, was at all astonished or treated the matter as if it was anything untoward, but rather as something quite normal and unremarkable, as if the chair were as light as a butterfly and was being carried around by a young lad. I looked at the people and at the chair and at the man, thinking that I would spot the raising of an eyebrow, or lips sucked back in alarm, or hear a cry of amazement, but there was absolutely no reaction.

I began to feel that the whole thing was too ghastly to contemplate any longer. At this very moment the man with his burden was no more than a step or two away from me and I was able to see his good-natured face, despite its many wrinkles. Even so it was impossible to determine his age. I then saw something more about him: he was naked except for a stout waistband from which hung, in front and behind, a covering made of sailcloth. Yet you would surely have to come to a stop, conscious that your mind had, like an empty room, begun to set off echoes telling you that, dressed as he was, he was a stranger not only to Cairo but to our whole era. You had the sensation of having seen his like in books about history or archaeology. And so I was surprised by the smile he gave, the kind of meek smile a beggar gives, and by a voice that mouthed words.

‘May God have mercy on your parents, my son. You wouldn’t have seen Uncle Ptah Ra’?’

Was he speaking hieroglyphics pronounced as Arabic, or Arabic pronounced as hieroglyphics? Could the man be an ancient Egyptian? I rounded on him:

‘Listen here – don’t start telling me you’re an ancient Egyptian?’

‘And are there ancient and modern? I’m simply an Egyptian.’

‘And what’s this chair?’

‘It’s what I’m carrying. Why do you think I’m going around looking for Uncle Ptah Ra’? It’s so that he may order me to put it down just as he ordered me to carry it. I’m done in.’

‘You’ve been carrying it for long?’

‘For a very long time, you can’t imagine.’

‘A year?’

‘What do you mean by a year, my son? Tell anyone who asks – a year and then a few thousand.’

‘Thousand what?’

‘Years.’

‘From the time of the Pyramid, for example?’

‘From before that. From the time of the Nile.’

‘What do you mean: from the time of the Nile?’

‘From the time when the Nile wasn’t called the Nile, and they moved the capital from the mountain to the river bank, Uncle Ptah brought me along and said “Porter, take it up”. I took it up and ever since I’ve been wandering all over the place looking for him to tell me to put it down, but from that day to this I’ve not found him.’

All ability or inclination to feel astonishment had completely ended for me. Anyone capable of carrying a chair of such dimensions and weight for a single moment could equally have been carrying it for thousands of years. There was no occasion for surprise of protest; all that was required was a question:

‘And suppose you don’t find Uncle Ptah Ra’, are you going to go on carrying it around?’

‘What else shall I do? I’m carrying it and it’s been deposited in trust with me. I was ordered to carry it, so how can I put it down without being ordered to?’

‘So what? Seeing that it’s wearing you out and breaking your back, you should throw it down – you should have done so ages ago.’

‘That’s how you look at things because you’re safely out of it; you’re not carrying it, so you don’t care. I’m carrying it and it’s been deposited in trust with me, so I’m responsible for it.’

‘Until when, for God’s sake?’

‘Till the order comes from Ptah Ra’.’

‘He couldn’t be more dead.’

‘Then from his successor, his deputy, from one of his descendants, from anyone with a token of authorization from him.’

‘All right then, I’m ordering you right now to put it down.’

‘Your order will be obeyed – and thank you for your kindness – but are you related to him?’

‘Unfortunately not.’

‘Do you have a token of authorization from him?

‘No, I don’t.’

‘Then allow me to be on my way.’

He had begun to move off, but I shouted out to him to stop, for I had noticed something that looked like an announcement or sign fixed to the front of the chair. In actual fact it was a piece of gazelle-hide with ancient writing of it, looking as though it was from the earliest copies of the Revealed Books. It was with difficulty that I read:

O chair carrier,

You have carried enough

And the time has come for you to be carried in a chair.

This great chair,

The like of which has not been made,

Is for you alone.

Carry it

And take it to your home.

Put it in the place of honor

And seat yourself upon it your whole life long.

And when you die

It shall belong to your sons.

‘This, Mr. Chair Carrier, is the order of Ptah Ra’, an order that is precise and was issued at the same moment in which he ordered you to carry the chair. It is sealed with his signature and cartouche.’

All this I told him with great joy, a joy that exploded as from someone who had been almost stifled. Evers since I had seen the chair and known the story I had felt as though it were I who was carrying it and had done so for thousands of years; it was as though it were my back that was being broken, and although the joy that now came to me were my own joy at being released at long last.

The man listened to me with head lowered, without a tremor of emotion: just waited with head lowered for me to finish, and no sooner had I done so than he raised his head. I had been expecting a joy similar to my own, even an expression of delight, but I found no reaction.

‘The order’s written right there above your head – written ages ago.’

‘But I don’t know how to read.’

‘But I’ve just read it out to you.’

‘I’ll believe it only if there’s a token of authorization. Have you such a token?’

When I made no reply he muttered angrily as he turned away:

‘All I get from you people is obstruction. Man, it’s a heavy load and the day’s scarcely long enough for making just the one round.’

I stood watching him. The chair had started to move at its slow, steady pace, making one think that it moved by itself. Once again the man had become its thin fifth leg, capable on its own of setting it in motion.

I stood watching him as he moved away, panting and groaning and with the sweat pouring off him. I stood there at a loss, asking myself whether I shouldn’t catch him up and kill him and thus give vent to my exasperation. Should I rush toward and topple the chair forcibly from his shoulders and make him take a rest? Or should I content myself with the sensation of enraged irritation I had for him? Or should I calm down and feel sorry for him? Or should I blame myself for not knowing what the token of authorization was?

-The End-

*****

Now who can tell me what does this story trying to tell us?

*hint: how irony that a chair that was created to serve a man, now become a master to him ;)

so lepas bersih, nak buat apa?

bismillah..

so 9th July mencatat sejarah baru di Malaysia..well, 10, 11 and brape2 hb pun tetap mencatat sejarah kan..cuma tinggal glemer tak glemer je..tinggal memberi kesan or tak je..

aku terasa nak komen beberapa perkara tentang apa yang berlaku disekitar peristiwa itu since aku tak berada di Malaysia pada saat dan ketika itu, so sekitar2 jela yang boleh kan..btw, this comment is pasca-bersih rally. so it does not matter you are on any side, the thing happened. this is what I learned from it.

gambar dari al-jazeera

1st, aku suka melihat somebody is doing something to get what he/she believe is right. tak kisah la kuning merah hijau biru skalipun as long as mereka bergerak berjuang untuk sesuatu, that is a good start. u know, lama sangat dah rakyat di malaysia di'beku'kan otak mereka, di ajar supaya tidak buat benda2 bodoh takut itu dan ini terjadi.

analogi simple ialah anak2 mat saleh kat sini (even anak indonesian aku jumpa waktu STC aritu) dibiarkan je main2 kotor, main lumpur pasir dll waktu dorg kecik2. bila sakit, nnt antibody dorg increase. bila terkena sakit, dorg belajar bahawa itu bukan cara yang betul. mereka belajar dari itu semua. org kita malaysia harapan la nak biar. bila anak2 sakit terkena hujan terus budak tu kene marah kan org dah cakap jangan main hujan kan dah menyusahkan aku nak kne bawak gi spital lah ape lah (rupanya tanak bg sebab takut menyusahkan diri)..last2 jadilah budak tu senyap tak aktif dan melembu sahaja..

kecik2 budak blajar bercakap dengan cara antaranya tgk tv dan bsembang ngn kawan2 lain..bila budak tu cakap benda yang tak sesuai, cara nak atasinya kenela ajar benda baik dengan lebih bersungguh supaya budak tu tahu mana baik mana tidak. bukan potong lidah budak tu or salotep mulut dia. kan bisu jadinya? .ini yang berlaku pada mahasiswa kita hari ini. pegawai2 penaja/ipta sound budak2 jgn terlibat aktivism la usrah la nnt balik takut lawan kerajaan. kalo benda yg kerajaan buat tu bagus dan elok ape nak ditakutkan entah..jadilah mahasiswa kita melembu bodoh ternganga bila cetusan cetusan peristiwa berlaku di sekeliling dunia. itu yang bila besar2 jadi menteri kena interview ngn stesen tv jawab benda merapu tuh..memalukan betul..

so, aku suka melihat pemuda kita bergerak ke arah apa yang mereka percaya benar mengikut ijtihad masing2 setelah mendengar nasihat2 dari pemimpin2, ulama2, orang tua2, dan mereka buat keputusan untuk memilih warna masing2. that is good.

ni pemuda kita ke bukan aku tak sure la ;p

2ndly, aku suka kalau dapat melihat masing2 berjuang dan berhujah dengan menghormati orang lain. perbezaan pendapat itu adalah lumrah, namun bergaduh dan berpecah belah itu bukan penyelesaiannya.

masing2 ada Facebook, masing2 boleh tulis and post di wall dan status masing2 dengan aman tentang apa yang mereka percaya benar. kalo ada tidak bersetuju, boleh kemukakan dengan profesional and facts..kalo tak baik takyah ada ruangan komen tu kan? tak pun baik lock je wall tu..tp yang awak gi kaco kat posting dia bikin panas cari gaduh mencarut2 tu apehal? buat pulak serangan2 peribadi lah, kutuk mengutuk kafir mengkafir lah, provoke sana sini tu kenapa? nanti akan memalukan diri sendiri je tau. baik jgn buat lah benda2 macam ni..hish bertamadun la sikit..cepat benor melatah kan menjadi bad example kepada generasi hadapan.

itu kalo di FB la..kalo di blog, blog lah..kalo di akhbar, akhbar lah..kalo di tanah pula, janganlah sampai bertumbuk bergaduh..buatla benda2 yang bermoral dan boleh sampai ke matlamatnya. dah awak sokong putih, awak pakaila baju putih, awak register la mengundi utk putih. kalo itam, itam la..melalak2 pastu tak reg utk vote camne pulak tu..

pastu kalo orang buat something, marching in the rally for example, takyahla nak kutuk2 kata dorg bodoh la, buang masa ke hape ke. kalo dia rally tu dalam halaman rumah awak ha takpe la nak marah. kalo dia rally bising memekak kat sebelah telinga awak pukul 1 pagi awak takleh nak tido ke ha semburlah mereka dengan spray nyamuk tu..kalo tak, berlapang dada jelah. kalo kata dorg mngaco keharmonian negara awak yg sedang aman itu, mereka juga boleh claim yang disebabkan rakyat mandom macam awak lah keharmonian dan keamanan mereka juga dikaco dan dirampas dek kepimpinan negara yang tidak adil kepada mereka (ini claim mereka la kan..).

lgpun org merokok tu pun bodoh dan buang masa dan duit bahkan merosakkan kesihatan diri dan orang lain..takde pulak awak kutuk macam kutuk org2 marching tu kan..

3rd, baguslah kalo semua org berlumba-lumba berebut2 untuk tunjukkan yang dia lebih mencintai negara berbanding orang lain..berlumba2 menunjukkan dia berada di dalam kebenaran, tanpa menganiayai dan menzalimi orang lain.

kalo awak berada di pihak yang benar dan awak teraniaya, doalah banyak2 semoga Allah beri bantuan, moga Allah beri kesedaran dan hidayah kepada yang menzalimi tu, dan org2 lain yg tak sedar tu..tak kira la awak pemimpin adil yg sedang cuba diguling rakyat, atau awak pasukan keselamatan yang terpaksa berhempas pulas dibalik siraman air dan gas2 merbahaya, atau awak orang kebiasaan yang tak dapat buat kerja seharian dek tersekat di tengah kekalutan itu..doalah..Abu Jahal pun berdoa moga Allah tunjukkan pihak mana yang benar sewaktu beliau dalam perjalanan ke perang badar aritu.

insyaAllah kalo dua2 pihak pun bawak benda yang benar, kan akan bersatu jugak keduanya..kalo salah satu tu batil, tidak akan bercampur yang batil dengan yang benar. semoga semua orang boleh nampak dan memilih yang benar dengan rela hati, bukan terpaksa.

4th, ni antara isu yang keras sikit. adala org yang bawak point bahawa yang anjurkan bersih tu ada niat nak menjatuhkan islam sebab dia adalah antara orang yang lantang memperjuangkan tuntutan isu murtad (the murtad side of course). bimbang makcik ni ada niat lain utk tgk org islam berpecah belah. takut islam akan ditekan di Malaysia katanya.

komen aku: org murtad tu tentu2 murtad sebab dia tak rasa islam ni best. kalo dia rasa islam ni best mesti dia tanak murtad. kan? kalo takut orang murtad, jomla kita amalkan islam betul2 supaya islam yang best ni terbukti best. jgnla takut tak ketahuan. biasanya yang takut ni kalo dia di pihak yang salah..makcik tu pun, dan org2 bukan islam yang lain pun kalo dorg nampak islam ni adil, ringan, bersih, wangi, glemer, best, mesti dorg join. kalo tak join pun mesti dorg hormat. dalam dunia ni zionis je yang takleh terima agama lain terutamanya islam. bukannya semua yang menentang islam sebab dorg zionis..tp dorg takut ngn islam sebab apa yang muslim potraykan tentang islam selama ni.

memetik kata2 seorang rakan cina " Following Bersih stories on Twitter, we talked about how good Malaysians can be…we remembered certain events (occured during the rally) and openly admitted those from other races who have been kind to us. And we confronted our stereotypes of always painting them a certain way." kita pun ada stereotype kat dorg kan?

ni antara pics yang menyebakkan aku..belas kasihan tu kan islam?

seterusnya, kita bukan pejuang manusia, tapi pejuang islam. kalau apa yang sedang diperjuangkan oleh muslim itu adalah kezaliman, itu bukan perjuangan kita. kalau apa yang sedang diperjuang oleh seorang non-muslim itu adalah keadilan, itu adalah perjuangan kita. nanti kalau non-muslim yang sama itu perjuangkan kezaliman, kita akan lawan pula. kan macamtu yang Saidina Abu Bakar pesan waktu mula2 jadi khalifah.

Semoga perjuangan saudara2, perjuangan kita semua adalah berdasarkan niat yang bersih suci hanya kerana Allah, untuk melihat islam tertegak dimuka bumi ini..

Semoga Allah redhai dan rahmati perjuangan kita, dan Allah terima sebagai hujjah di akhirat kelak bahawa I did something to prove islam is the best to the world. Semoga Allah terima amalan ini.

ameen